Today I want to talk about fears- a subject I've been stuck on for a little while now. As I sit here at my computer desk, listening to a new song I started writing & recording last night that literally speaks of facing your fears and taking a chance while reading The Daily Love's latest blog post by Mastin Kipp. I feel the urge to write. If anything, this is my attempt at getting these thoughts out of my head and the new intention into physical manifestation. This is my idea of baby steps :) I've lived a pretty fearless life for the most part. I've made sure to live close enough to the edge to ensure I won't be lying on my death bed saying shoulda, coulda, woulda's. But I've realized that everybody's afraid of something & it's usually the unknown. Or rather the unrealistic expectation of what the unknown holds for us. Most of us don't ever come face to face with our true fears, at least not voluntarily. We stay in our comfort zones until the Universe decides that since you refuse to step out of your comfort zone on your own that it's going to kick you out of it. This is when life happens: Job loss, divorce, death of a loved one, etc. Whether you've realized it or not, these "tragedies" are actually some of our greatest blessings & have been some of my greatest lessons. But I would like to avoid another one of those events that flip my entire world upside down if at all possible. Here's where my fear lies: I battled depression for 13 years and towards the end I was so beaten down that I made myself make the decision: Death or Happiness. There wasn't going to be an in-between anymore. I couldn't linger in this purgatory any longer, it was torture. I refused to be depressed & for the last 3 1/2 years I've done everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen. I've been utterly blessed to have found God in this process and literally have been saved while trying to save myself. I've gotten to be the hero of my own life and I'm so grateful. I've made leaps and bounds in my improvement and today I live a peaceful, happy, simple life. I'm comfortable here. I've accomplished so much detachment from the physical world that I could literally spend my entire days just connecting to God through mediation, journaling & such and be completely content for the rest of my life. But....This is the part that scares me. I've had this whisper of a calling inside of me my entire life. A whisper that I've been sort of acknowledging but not actually taking the leap I know I should. I've been lucky enough to know my calling my entire life, as I know that many people have no clue what they've been sent here to do. But I've spent my whole life building up these expectations that I'm deathly afraid of jumping off that edge I've been comfortably living on for many years.
Do you have a calling whispering inside of you that you've been ignoring?
What unrealistic expectations are holding you back?
The dialogue I have in my head is "What if you take that leap of faith and nothing is there to catch you?" and ultimately, "What if you fall into a depression again." There's the debilitating fear. Like I said before, I will do ANYTHING to never go back to that hell hole (depression) again. And apparently even if it means never leaping for my greatest & longest-living dream. I feel like a failure if I don't take that leap, in fact not taking the leap is not an option. And I'm pretty sure that if I don't get my act together the Universe is going to shove me off that edge kicking & screaming anyway, so I pretty much don't have a choice in that matter. I heard Marianne Williamson, author of 'Return To Love' say on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday something along the lines of:
"In life, you don't get to choose your lessons, you get to choose whether they hurt or not."
And that couldn't be more true. I'd like it to not hurt this time so I've gotta take the leap into my purpose. Setting My Intentions: I see myself looking back on this and being able to help the world with my experience. To inspire you guys to take your leap of faith.... Wait a minute...I just had an Aha Moment! This is the reason for my fears... to be able to help & inspire & serve others with the lessons I've learned from overcoming those fears. You see, the thing I didn't tell you is that my purpose I've always known was to inspire people to be their greatest selves so in the attempt to face my fears & take that leap I am already living my purpose! I could cry...really! It's all coming back to me now! These fears don't belong to me, they belong to all the people that have are facing the struggles that I already have and need that burst of hope to keep them going. Wow. I think what we all forget is that WE ARE ALREADY LIVING OUR PURPOSE! And one of the things I need to remember is that this is not about me, it about helping the world and ultimately raising the consciousness of the Universe.
"If not for yourself, do it for the World!"
So if I take that leap for you guys, those fears don't seem so scary anymore. :) We all need something to live for, something to fight for.
Figure out what it is that you're willing jump for. Something that's more important to you than the fear & all those fears won't seem to have a hold on you so much anymore.
I'm so excited for the day I get write about what it was like taking this leap of faith! I hope you all find what you are looking for in life! Thank you so much reading & witnessing yet another awakening! Sending you my LOVE, Darienne