Interestingly enough it seems my last post was looking for the very answers that this post intends to give. Isn't that so beautifully ironic? You see, what I've realized in the core of all of the lessons I've learned is that every single thing I have ever and will ever need is right within me.
"What you are looking for is what is looking."
-St. Francis of Assisi
Sometimes I forget that...and that's okay! I know for a fact that the Universe will be sure to remind me of it whenever I need. That's the beauty of God's work or the Universe's way of balancing itself (whatever you'd like to call it). I know that if I don't remind myself of who I really am and what my purpose really is then "life" will be sure to remind me. Although it may hurt a little worse than if I just keep myself on track. :-\ So here's been my resent challenge: SELF-LOVE You all should know by now that I love a challenge, especially when the reward is something as spectacular as Loving Thyself! Ha! Just to hear the words at one point in my life sounded so silly to me. I was raised in an environment, as I think many of us were, where it wasn't cool to love yourself; along with every other reasons why I should NOT love myself. I think it's pretty obvious that this here "self-love" concept has been a bit of a struggle for me. But we all need love, whether we'd like to admit it or not. And the ones that don't admit it or don't have it within themselves are usually the ones doing as they say, "Looking for love in all the wrong places." I certainly was once one of those and I'm still human...I think we all have a little trace of that in us somewhere. Little word of advice for you guys: If you're looking for love in any place other than right where you are standing, than you're looking in the wrongplace. And I don't just mean the typical just-hit-30 woman now realizing that her internal clock is-a-ticking and she still ain't got a man kinda looking. Though you know who you are, ladies. I also mean the when-I-have-lots-of-money-I'll-be-lovable kinda looking or the-more-beautiful-I-am-the-easier-I-am-to-love kind. This was me, and I think a lot of us. I adopted the idea that unless I was receiving the most recognition for being the best or the prettiest or the most talented or the strongest (the list goes on), then I couldn't be loved...because I didn't really matter. I wasn't really special. And I had to know that the world thought I was something special in order to feel that for myself, and in turn to feel like I was lovable. I have to be honest...I literally made this discovery about a week ago when I was writing in my journey trying to figure out where a particular anger in me was stemming from. I make a lot of discoveries when I journal and I'm so very grateful for all of them especially this one. This was a huge wall for me. One that was holding me back from my dreams of becoming an influential singer/songwriter/performing artist. The wall was more like a mountain; a mountain that said if I step out into the world as DARIENNE (in flashing lights) and I am not an award winning top star right from the gate then I have failed...and I don't matter. I'm a nobody. Thus unlovable. Wow! That's a, need I say, IMPOSSIBLE MOUNTAIN TO CLIMB! Yet I created that mountain for myself, those unattainable expectations. I listened to the people in my life that loved me but gave me the idea that I couldn't be just me if I wanted to be loved. Maybe they passed that notion down from whoever gave them that idea. Maybe they just wanted to push me to be the very best that I could be. Maybe to them being the best meant never getting hurt, I could see that. I don't doubt that their intentions were for anything less than what they thought was for my own well-being. And I can't blame myself for believing them. I was just a child and honestly maybe I would have never known my own strength and abilities if I wasn't always fighting for someone's love and approval.