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An Honest Moment

Lord, help me love myself. Lord help me love myself...for I get no love, only criticism. Lord help me--better yet teach me how to love me, because I don't know how. I don't know what that feels like because I've never felt it. To accept myself as I who I am, as what you've made me, as being completely perfect and divine and not just something I can put up with. Lord, weave love into the fibers of my being for if I cannot love myself, I cannot fully love you. I know that I was birthed out of love and created to love...I know that, but I do not truly feel that. Lord, show me how to love myself. I want to know, through to my core, that I belong to you and no one else--that you are my Father and I am your beloved child. I want to know that all the things in me that I think are bad are part of how you created me on purpose and out of love therefore they cannot possibly be bad. Teach me to forgive myself for not being perfect in my own eyes and help me realize that I am perfect in yours... Am I perfect in your eyes, God? I feel unworthy of you. I feel I am much too faulted to be loved by you.

Lord, show me your love. I did not see it when you gave me pain to feel. I felt none from the people you gave to love me. If I had been worthy of love from the beginning than I would've been given it. I would've been shown love from the people that were supposed to love me. For so long I felt like I could be loved, like I should be loved, but for even longer you denied me of it. Why, God? Why did you deny me the love I deserved? This is why my faith in you is staggering. I just want to know that you created me for a purpose and that you care deeply for me. They say that you are love. Well than why were you not present in my life when I needed you?

Can you love me even if I don't always follow my heart? Can you love me even if I never fulfill my purpose and true potential on this Earth? Can you still love me if I deny you and question your love for what you've created? Deep down...I don't believe you can. I feel I have to be this magnificent teacher of God in order to be loved by you. I feel my enjoyment in physical indulgence cannot possibly be a part of me that you will ever love. Lord, please let me know that I can be loved because if I cannot be accepted by you than I can be accepted by no one, including myself. I need your divine and distinct presence, God. For I cannot go on empty without it. I can no longer fill the holes with meaninglessness. Lord, I am desperate and on the verge of giving up. I cannot fight for your love any longer! Take me as I am my Lord--imperfect, impaired, a mess and very blind. Lord, take me as I am so I may finally takemyself just as I am--without the flashing lights and fancy clothes; without the need to prove myself. If today I just don't feel like striving for Greatness, let me see that I have already achieved the ultimate prize without even opening my eyes: Your Love.

Lord, will you love me for free? They say you already do and that you always have. I find that so hard to believe. Please, help me believe that. You gave me life and you continue to give it each day that I live. If I am not always grateful for that will you still love me? If I curse your name for my pain, could you still love me? I don't think that I am capable of loving like that. That kind of love in inconceivable for me, so how can I believe that you feel for me a love that I can't even believe exists in my own mind?

Lord, help me feel love. I don't know if I am worthy of it, I may not even know what it truly feels like if I ever were to have it, but if I am good enough just as I am...Lord, help me love myself.

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