top of page

This Is Me

Wow. Has the world not opened up to me once again?! How proud I am to be one of God’s creations, children if you will; though my creator feels more like a best friend to me sometimes rather than a father. I can always just look up and smile and he knows exactly what I’m thinking. Here I am a young woman, a mother, a friend, an artist, a free spirit, business owner, philanthropist, and lover of all things created by God…a holy spirit before all. And yet, I’ve been leading a double (maybe even a triple) life. My heart is exuberated right now and I feel alive! Writing is such a passion of mine it’s a wonder I don’t do it as often as I used to. With all the commotion of following the dreams I never got to pursue I forgot about the one thing that has very literally kept me alive all this time. I’ve realized today that I’ve hidden my writing from the grand public, portraying it as only a small entity of my life but it is much greater than that! I almost have tears in my eyes right now. There was a bit of shame I suppose or maybe fear that my love of God and connection with my higher being may not be accepted by my music fans, Twitter followers or Facebook friends; so I segregated all parts of me into compartments I thought would be easier accepted. The truth is I’m a fun and crazy person, a Rockstar if you will. I’m quick witted and honest with a love of humor and I’m certainly not afraid to be the life of the party. I was blessed with vocal talent, creativity and musical inclination though I’ve been scared my whole life to shine as bright as I was born to. I have a love for creating all kinds of music--maybe I’m a little bit ‘hood’ and maybe I’m a little bit rock & roll. I haven’t quite found the perfect blend. I’m a wonderful mother, I make mistakes just like the rest in parenting but my daughter is so abundantly filled with love and I know that some of that had to of come from me. She is a mirror into my own heart and a constant reminder that if I can create and behold that within her than I must be filled with more love than I believe at times. I care about the body that I have been given to reside in and use as a tool to impact this world so I enjoy feeding it healthy foods and exercising for that purpose alone; though it used to solely be for vanity, I’ve learned to love it on a deeper level. Almost every single day I am reading self-help and spiritual books to keep me centered and in connection with guidance. I journal, meditate, pray and cry tears of gratitude almost on a daily basis. If you’d seen the darkness I have, you’d do the same. It’s interesting because a lot of the times the emotions come from the simple fact that when I look at something today and I remember what it used to look like to me, I can’t believe how bright it is nowadays. More than anything in my life…I have come to know and love God. I mean truly KNOW God. I have a full understanding, though my ego likes to forget, that the only true life there is, is that which was created by and carries the spirit of God. The essence beneath all things, that is God and that is how I know that, because all things are in true essence the same thing, I am able to attract anything I desire in this world. This is, of course, only if I keep that truth in mind.

The problems that I face are when I forget that truth and I start believing in fear again, believing that I AM the body I’ve been given to reside in; the body that harbors painful negative energy carried through my life from the mere shadows of my past. Shadows that I have convinced myself are still very real and in living color, but as I said they are merely shadows… lifeless and gray. I chose to live in those shadows for so long…much too long, though I wouldn’t be so blessed to cry my gratuitous tears if I hadn’t lived in those shadows for so long. I was clouded, stuck in all the horrible things that had happened to me, and horrible they were, but never could I truly see where I actually was standing. Never could I live. You cannot live in the lifeless and gray because LIFE is the complete opposite of just that. You cannot ever grip a shadow with your hands and hold onto it for the stability you need in your life yet, it’s what I tried so foolishly to do for many years. Those shadows were my identity…so I believed. When you put it this way, it seems so utterly mindless and simple yet we are all guilty of this sin to one degree or another. Realize as well that this is the only sin that actually exists…forgetting God. And the only punishment you will ever receive for that is the life you’re living now, presumably and ultimately unhappily “without” Him.

My realization today is that all parts of me are glorious and a much more wondrous gift when given as a whole. How could I ever truly relay the message that it’s possible to be a young, crazy and care-free rockstar, a responsible, loving parent and a sharp business person and still be openly devoted to Source? As giving by living this message is my true calling. So to all of my Twitter followers, Music fans, and Facebook friends…this is me, all of me. No more having to wear all different hats throughout the day. No more worrying about being too pop for the rock scene and too rock for the pop scene, or be ashamed to express my love for getting a little crazy every once in a while when talking about God with someone “enlightened” or being afraid to express my love of God when I’m getting a little crazy with the people I have yet to find a holy connection with. I’ve now embraced and accepted that I am a complex individual; I cannot be compartmentalized and no one can ever be me better than I can. I love all parts of me and I am now proud to honor God by showing the whole of his beautiful creation to all of the many eyes I’ll pass in this lifetime!

We all yearn for a sense of belonging but, we cannot mold ourselves to fit in somewhere; we must come into ourselves—embrace what we’ve already been given—and in doing so, the Universe on its own will bring forth that place of belonging.

Thank you all for reading and thank you God, as always, for this aha moment!

2 views0 comments

Related Posts

See All

Subscribe To Email Updates Get 10Off Your First Healing Session

Thanks for subscribing!

bottom of page